it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
