i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
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