Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
