3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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