Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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