i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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