I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
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Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
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I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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