some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
