I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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