He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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