I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
