I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
