I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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