Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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