i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
