i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
