i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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