You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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