We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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