Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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