This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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