On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
