Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
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The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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