sorry about calling you the devil all night.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
