Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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