when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
