if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
