i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
