How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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