The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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