i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize