We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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