Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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