Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
