she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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