You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
