I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
