i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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