why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
