Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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