I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
