Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
