shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
