Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
