Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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