so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We need to get me chipped asap
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
