youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize