This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
