i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
