we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
