ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
