this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
