the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
being pregnant is like rehab
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
