listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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