Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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