it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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