There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
