shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
