He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
