I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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