oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
