i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
