That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
