She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
