Im at strip club and am horny
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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