dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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