Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
