Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
