I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
