Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
