You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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