It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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