you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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