i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
