also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
