Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
